Here.
I really didn’t think we’d be here.
I really didn’t think this was a place I’d return to to share from.
I didn’t think I’d be here - here being my old bedroom in my parent’s house.
I didn’t think this was a place I’d return to to get grounded after things went sideways.
But here we are anyway.
It’s been a few months coming.
Well, sort of. I’ve been flirting with the idea for a few weeks, if not months.
But I didn’t know if I really was coming back.
A week ago I was sure, but then I waivered.
A couple days ago I was positive, then I just didn’t know.
I didn’t know I was coming back for sure until last night when what started as a journal entry turned into the Instagram caption announcing my new blog post that hadn’t yet been written.
So here I am writing it.
About a week ago I was talking to a friend about how I sound different depending on what medium I’m using to communicate. I speak one way, I write letters another, write journal entires differently still, and blog in a different way all together. I think it’s because the intention is always different so I tailor myself to my audience - be it just me, a single recipient, or the collective “you”. It struck me last night that when I’m writing for the blog I’m not only sharing what’s going on in my life just for the sake of sharing an update. When I write for the blog I try to keep things on the lighter side so as not to bring you down and also to keep my thoughts on a more positive train.
I think that’s why I kept blog even when I was pretty buried in depression a few years ago - when I was sharing on the blog I was doing it with positivity and lightness.
It’s not that I sugar coat or lie or leave out important details. It’s just that when I’m blogging I take the time to be more careful with my words and more thoughtful about the way I spin my story. It’s easy to be all woe-is-me in a journal entry and to get caught up in the negativity when you know no one is going to read it (and I won’t stop doing that in my journal entries because lord knows I’ve got some things to complain about at the moment and heaven help me if you think I’m not going to take the opportunity to get out all my complaints). But last night when I was writing my journal entry-turned caption I realized that maybe blogging could be the way I share what’s going on in my life, practice communicating again, and start shifting the way I’m looking at myself and my situation.
I wanted to wait until I had the new look all sorted to share anything at all but I knew that if I waited another day I’d find a reason not to do it. So here we are - v early stages of a rebrand, not too sure exactly what’s about to unfold (literally what my entire life feels like at the moment) saying hello again nine months since our goodbye.
I’m sure you’ll get the whole story eventually - or be able to weave it all together from the little ones that come out over time. But for now this little reintroduction is all I’ve got for you.
Stay tuned, I think it’s going to be good!